You don’t have to be a sex god
Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash
Let’s begin by defining exactly what multiple orgasms are. According to sexologist Jess O’Reilly, PhD, We-Vibe sex and relationship expert, “Multiple orgasms generally refers to more than one orgasm in a single session.”
So, for your experience to be multi-orgasmic the orgasms don’t have to be back to back. As long as you have more than one orgasm during a sex session you have experienced multiple orgasms.
There’s a lot of talk about this pinnacle of pleasure. However, there hasn’t been a lot of extensive research. So far it is believed that most people have the capacity to have multiple orgasms.
But, most don’t ever have one. Being open to wave upon wave of pleasure isn’t as easy as you would think. It might not feel natural to totally let go during sex, it requires a whole lot of trust and exactly the right setting.
Here are three specific ways to feel more comfortable and open to multiple orgasms.
Increase trust
Trust between two people is created over time. It may sound obvious but it isn’t a process that can be rushed. By staying true to your word, talking honestly about your feelings, and putting trust out there, you will be trusted and trust in return.
It’s so much easier to deal with embarrassing moments during sex when you trust your partner. And if you’re not worried about embarrassing yourself you’ll be more relaxed and thus more likely to have multiple orgasms.
“Researchers in the Netherlands found that the key to female arousal seems to be a deep sense of relaxation. In a study in which the brains of men and women were scanned during the process of sexual response using a technique called positron emission tomography (PET), the results showed that the parts of the female brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety and high emotion deactivate during sexual activity. And at peak, during orgasm, the female brain’s emotion centers close down, producing an almost trance-like state.”
So, do whatever you can to encourage relaxation for you and your partner. Whether it’s dimmed lighting, a little wine, candles or music, think about what works best for both of you. Create the ideal environment together.
Practice meditation
Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of Becoming Cliterate and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex, advises, “stop focusing on the goal and instead be fully immersed in the physical feelings you’re experiencing. The state of the brain before orgasm – when thinking and self-monitoring shuts off – is the same brain state of mindfulness meditation.”
By connecting with the present moment during sex, as if you’re meditating, you’ll be more aware of pleasurable sensations, more in tune with both your body and your partner’s body and less likely to focus on stressful thoughts that could stop you orgasming.
There can be a lot of pressure connected to orgasms, especially multiple ones. By letting feelings of pressure float by without getting involved you will allow yourself to come back to the present moment. This will allow you to put aside expectations and truly relax.
Try positive affirmations
Personally, multiple orgasms only happen when I’m feeling amazing. Even if everything is set up in terms of environment, physical technique and I’m tuned into the present moment, it just won’t work. The final element has to be present.
I have to feel sexy. When I’m feeling highly self-critical, unprepared for sex or a little under the weather, no amount of skill or relaxation is going to make multiple orgasms happen.
If you’re working on feeling sexier, start from within. As Griffin Wynn explains, “from reminding yourself to make time to feel sexy to giving yourself permission to feel your feels and state your needs – when it comes to getting frisky like you never have before, sexual mantras can be incredibly empowering.”
Affirmations can decrease stress and increase well-being. Find one that suits you and repeat it every morning and every evening in the mirror before brushing your teeth. By attaching your new habit to an old one (like brushing your teeth), you will ensure you stick to it.
Takeaway
Multiple orgasms require a suspension of thought, a total connection to the moment and deep trust. You’ll go places you’ve never been before (the land of multiple orgasms is a wonderful place to be). And you’ll feel closer to your partner and more confident in your own pleasure as a result.
However, the path to multiple orgasms ironically does not involve focussing on the end result. Instead, tune in to the present moment, connect with your partner and truly experience the pleasure you are receiving.
You deserve to feel the sensations of multiple orgasms, so relax, bring out your zen side and start praising yourself every day with positive affirmations. The more confident and trusting you are, the more open you will be to multiple orgasms.
Opmerkingen